it wasn't lemon gatorade
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
