Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She swung at the pinata with crutches
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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