I hate your face
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
