he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
