Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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