How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
