She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
