As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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