Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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