i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
what day is it and did you see me today?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
