I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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