I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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