We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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