you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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