I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
