I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
