i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
