Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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