I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
