Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
