Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
