There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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