you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
