No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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