just come out here and I will go home with you...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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