U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
