i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
