I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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