Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
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