And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
