Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
