Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
