your thong is hanging out like whoa
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
