The maid of honor just puked.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
