your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
