she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
