how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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