I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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