How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
