She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my being single is dangerous.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
