I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
