i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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