omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
