Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
