You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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