Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
