I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
