where am i from again
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
