tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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