I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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