I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Can you bring me the toilet please
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
