He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
