Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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