did you get engaged???
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
